JUM’A Day 1057
Asalam alaikum wa rahmatullah…
In the Name of Allâh, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful
“hey C O, you ever seen anyone have an anxiety attack?”, “yea…why, you stressed?”, “well, its beyond stress, but yea…I feel like one might be coming up right about now.” “no, you don’t like your having one…guys usually go all hyperventilate, sweat heavy, and kinda freak out.” … “well, I’m O for 3 on those…so I guess I’m not having an anxiety attack…but yea, just…feel really uneasy…cant do anything all day, cant concentrate on anything…donno what to tell ya…but yea…ah well.” (step away from the door, CO goes back to his desk).
So I guess I’m not having an anxiety attack, though I thought I was. Its been building up gradually for a while I guess. We’ve been going to court for the past few weeks for some motions. We just finished the ‘religious and ideological’ motion. They basically want to use books/media supposedly seized from our residents against us in trial. We were arguing that selecting parts and cutting and pasting portions of materials is prejudicial and biased, therefore inadmissible. I don’t care much for all of this, my trust is in ALLAH for relief not in any person nor system, as at the end of the day, it is only by the will of ALLAH that all these lawyers and judges and all of us are even breathing. That being said, sitting there for 6hrs a day listening to arguments I can tell you, our lawyers killed it, as far as arguments go. If this was based on fair process, due rights, and justice, the ruling that should be made is apparent, although, like every other motion, I’m sure this will be denied as well. Anyways, I hate going to court, waking up at 5:30, coming back at 8, the whole process of going here to get changed into court clothes, the transport van, sitting in that room from 7:30 – 10, waiting for court to start, sitting in court, looking at this puppet show all around you as if there’s some sort of justice to be expected from all this…then again the transport van, hour and a half ride…changing again into jail clothes, the waits at each section, and then finally back to the cell 14hrs after leaving it. Doing that every day… it takes a real toll on a person. It wasn’t so bad before, but on Monday, things got really bad.
When we got back from court, we heard the guy who was here in cell 4 got his habeas corpus approved and after spending about 4 months in isolation, he’s back on a range. Good for him. not so good for us. He was a cool guy, respectable, knew the jail politics well and didn’t try messing around. His replacement is a psycho. This nut case is infamous here apparently. He doesn’t sleep a wink! He’s up all night yelling and screaming and singing. He doesn’t sleep nor let anyone else sleep. This waste of nufah asks the C Os for bread at 3 at night, every night, and lined paper at 4. Every round “C O, Can I get some bread please! I want bread…PLEASE! C O, BREAD! HEY C O, CAN I GET BREAD….BREAD AND LINED PAPER! PLEASE!!” and so on…on and on it goes…never stopping! I actually woke up last night just to curse him! so for the past 4 nights, none of us have slept. Going to court in the morning, the exhaustion just multiplies.
In the outside, Jumas uses to be the best of days for me. Go to the Masjid, stay there all the way till 12 or 1 o’clock at night, chilling with brothers. We used to hit the shwarma joints every time…used to be a lot of fun. Now…Jumas are the hardest of days. You wake up no different than any other day. You try and get a shower, just to accomplish the ‘ghusl’ obligation of the day. Itar and Siwak are out of the question, so are new clothes…so basically, the only difference is reading surah kahf and making Dhikr a bit more. I hate jumas in jail. They are still the most depressing of days. Its supposed to be Eid for us, yet it definitely doesn’t feel like Eid. I miss the khutbahs, the huge gathering of Muslims, the whole environment of juma. From all that to complete isolation… it seems like it was so long ago, that I would put on my white shalwar kameez, wear my white imaama, put on my favourite itar (Egyptian musk, or white musk), grab my siwak and head to the Masjid. Wow…it seems like it was all a dream.
They are saying the nut case got bail today. Al-hamdulillah! ALLAH azza wa jall relieved us of his presence! This is kinda funny… one guy, who spends less than 4 months in isolation in the same conditions as us, gets out, due to stressful conditions and how its against human rights etc… yet we’ve been here for the past 3yrs, and no one cares. Human rights dont apply to us? Our situation is less stressful? Just because we don’t yell and scream all day, and cope with our situation with patience doesn’t mean the hardship is not there. Just because we can still put a smile on our faces when we go to court, hear all the nonsense and still smile…doesn’t mean the hardships aren’t there… how can you say human rights exists for one person and yet not for another who is also standing right there the entire time. Are we less human? How can you expect me to think anything else except that you are only holding me in these unlawful conditions for no other reason than the fact that I am a Muslim. A Muslim who believes in ALLAH, the creator of the heavens and the earth, besides whom none is worthy of worship! A Muslim who takes HIM as his Lord, HIS messenger (s.a.a.w) as his guide, and HIS book as his life. Do you really fear that so much?
“they try to extinguish ALLAH’s light with their mouths, but ALLAH perfects HIS light, though the disbelievers hate it”.
So one guy gets out of isolation, and a psycho who is a repeat offender gets bail. In the mean time, guys with no previous criminal history, who are university students and ‘model citizens’ are denied bail for the most ridiculous reasons. I wish there was no pub ban so I could post some of them here.
Its been a stressful stretch lately…one thing after another…things just not going well. Insha’ALLAH this is a change towards good and things will get better… a believer is in between distress and ease at all times anyways. Sometimes, a lot of thoughts come into your mind, and as things pile on, the frustrations also multiply, and the stress adds up, and before you know it…you think your having an anxiety attack…
Nothing like two rak’as to give you sukoon! A really prolonged Sajdah, where you spill all the beans to The Most-Near! Aaah! Relief!